Trustworthiness of a Twitter bio
Posted: January 15, 2012 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Humor, Internet, twitter | 1 Comment »
Originally created for the webcomic series, Causality but uploaded here as that site is currently infected by a malware.
Nandita
Posted: December 20, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Short Story | 13 Comments »“And now ladies and gentlemen, I call upon one of Chennai’s most promising hard rock bands, The Mad Boys from Madras! Let’s hear it out for them folks!”
Adarsh heard their name being called out and gulped down the beer remaining in his mug.
He heard Lakshman, their drummer call out his name and nodded back. He took his guitar and jogged to the makeshift stage.
He scanned the crowded pub and spotted Nandita, his girlfriend standing in the corner. He smiled at her and she smiled back at him.
“So are you guys enjoying yourselves?”, boomed the band’s front man and talented singer Harish.
–
The Mad Boys from Madras quickly finished their set of 6 songs, 4 original and 2 covers. The crowd was still cheering them as they left the stage making way for the next band, an acoustic duo.
“How was it?” an exhausted Adarsh asked Nandita.
“Not bad!”
“Not bad?”
“Yep! You do seem to have a lot of dumb female fans. Why don’t you ask them?”
“Hey.. Hey.. Are you jealous?”, teased Adarsh.
“Jealous? Me? Of those dumb screaming girls? Ha!”
“Hey Adarsh! Awesome show man!”, shouted an older man from across the pub.
“Thanks Joe!” shouted Adarsh back.
–
“Are you sure you can ride the bike?”, enquired Nandita.
“Oh of course!”
“Well, you have had a few drinks, remember?”
“Oh come on! I have done worse!”
Nandita shook her head and got on the bike.
–
“Are you sure you can ride?”
“What?”, Adarsh shouted against the wind.
“ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN RIDE THE BIKE?”
“OH YES, I CAN. WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?”
“HOPE YOU AIN’T DRUNK..”
“I’M JUST A LITTLE TIPSY. I’M ALRIGHT. BUT AGAIN, WHY’RE YOU SHOUTING.”
“I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”
“OH YOU WON’T!”
A few minutes into Mount Road and Nandita was already nodding off. She dozed off on Adarsh’s shoulders as he cruised down the wide road which was nearly empty at this time of the night.
Adarsh smiled to himself.
He recollected how he had met the angel of his life a few months back at a party. They had a couple of mutual friends and it only took Adarsh a couple of meetings to convince Nandita to go out with him. Their relationship now was moving steadily and it seemed there was nothing much else that they would want.
Adarsh realized that he was smiling to himself.
–
Nandita was walking down an empty road. It was eerily empty and calm. She suddenly noticed movement from the corner of her eyes and turned around. She noticed a kitten walk towards her, only its eyes shining in the dark. As she bent down to pick up the kitten, it gave out a loud hiss looking beyond her. She looked up and noticed a truck speeding towards her. She hadn’t noticed the truck and it was thundering down right towards her. Her feet were suddenly rooted to the road and she couldn’t move.
–
She woke up with a jerk and barely caught a glimpse of the speeding truck that ploughed into them a second later.
What’s it like in Katdoonia?
Posted: July 15, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Alien, Short Story | Leave a comment »
Something I doodled today. Remember Katdoonians? They weren’t that bad after all!
The Shooting Star at 9
Posted: July 6, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Alien, Short Story | 2 Comments »Jert sleepily opened his eyes. He was disturbed by something.
He felt something wet hit his chin and he realized there was saliva on the pillow. He turned the pillow upside down and continued sleeping.
The siren grew louder and Jert was suddenly wide awake.
He sat up and concentrated. It was coming from the community emergency siren installed by the government after last year’s devastating tsunami.
He rushed to the balcony putting on his shirt to see what was happening.
Jert looked down and noticed a small crowd on the street. He quickly scanned the crowd and noticed his pretty neighbour Aki among the crowd.
He was now worried.
Jert ran to the living room and almost tripped on his way to his living room. He took out his Smart Device and powered on the room as he entered. The lights came on and the glass wall that seperated the living room from the kitchen powered on showing the News.
The News Day reporter was rambling something and the visuals showed a video grab of the Earth.
And then the news hit Jert hard.
About to happen was a major galactic collision!
Jert saw the visuals for a few more minutes – Earth in a few more angles and graphical representation of Zelphoid hitting the planet. According to the graphics, the estimated time of impace was around an hour. The chief scientist of the Space Academy was on air.
“We were working on the Lomo Magnetic Reactors. A new project was underway. We were creating artificial magnetic fields which were accidentally turned on when they were not suppposed to be and this altered the course of Zelphoid. We’re trying our best to alter the course so as to avert any impact with Earth. Let’s hope for the best.”
Jert felt his knees going weak. His head grew numb.
He slowly walked down to the street which was filled with people. The siren was still wailing.
He walked over to Aki who was talking on the phone with someone.
He stood by her and it up a cigarette watching the people all around. No one was panicking and it was eerie. He felt panicky inside.
Another group of people nearby were talking. He strained his ears to listen to what they were talking.
“The government says there is nothing to panic…”
“That’s bull! We’re gonna die in an hour!”
“They’re trying to avert the course away from Earth.”
“Its insane!”
“Hey Jert”
“The government should have listened to the anti magnetic energy groups and stopped long back!”
“Jert?”
Jert suddenly became aware of someone mentioning his name. He turned around and saw Aki calling out to him. He realized that he had walked away from her towards the group. He walked towards her and smiled. She returned the smile. Both of them knew that the smiles were just a disguise. Deep inside, both were far from smiling.
Jert looked at Aki and realized how much he had tried to talk to her over the months. She had moved into the neighbourhood just months back and he had always found her attractive. He had always tried to strike up a conversation with her and always chickened out when he came face to face with her. Jert was still staring at her and realized she looked prettier this day.
“Jert?”
“Uh? Hi!”
“So I guess this is it!”
That was an awkward way to start the conversation, but both of them knew that there was nothing else to talk about then.
“Hmm.. Yes Aki. Looks like this is it!”
“I can’t believe this is happening!”
“Neither can I.”
“I guess scientists are trying to avert Zelphoid’s course?”
“Yes. I hope they do it soon!”
It was an awkward conversation.
They both looked away. Jert noticed an old man holding hands with his wife. The old woman was crying and the man was comforting her. Nearby was another family with small kids. The wife and husand were hugging the kids who barely knew what was happening.
Suddenly so much was happening.
And then someone from the crowd erupted.
“Scientists have little hope! We’re doomed!”
Then started a fresh round of wailing from the crowd.
Jert realized that his cigarette was almost exhasuted of the toacco.
“Damn! I need coffee.”
Aki who was in a state of shock came back to her senses.
“Huh?”
“I need coffee now.”
“Wanna come over to my place? I made some coffee.”
Jert nodded and they slowly walked towards Aki’s apartment. Jert smiled to himself at the irony of this new friendship.
Aki’s apartment was nicely done and clean. Jert felt happy that they were not in his apartment which was usually stewn around.
Aki powered on the kitchen and the room came alive. So did the giant glass screen showing the News channel.
Both stared at the screen as the text read, “Efforts in vain. Impact in 20 minutes.”
Jert’s heart sunk while Aki shed a tear.
“It’s okay Aki. We all had to die someday. Let that be today.”
“Do we have an option?”
“Um.. I don’t think so.”
“I killed a dog once.”
“What?”
“I was once driving down the road when a pet dog came running.”
Jert looked at Aki as she continued.
“I tried to avoid it.. but I hit. I was scared. I just sped off! I’m so sorry for that!
“Hmm”
“I’m sure there was a 10 year old with a broken heart after the kid’s dog died…”
“Hey Aki. It’s okay! We all have done little things in the past we regret. Plus it wasn’t your fault!”
Aki wiped her eyes and looked at Jert.
“Do you have a confession Jert?”
“Um.. I may have quite a few..”
“Like?”
“I once stole an umbrella.”
“What?”
“It was raining and I was getting drenched. I walked into this restaurant to have a cup of coffee.”
Aki was looking into Jert’s eyes as he spoke.
“The rain showed no signs of stopping and I was getting late. I got up, paid the bill, took the nearest umbrella and walked out!”
Aki smiled and Jert felt relieved.
“You didn’t do that!”
“Of course I did!”, smiled back Jert.
Aki laughed.
Jert continued, “And you know what?”
“What?”
“I have always liked you. I have always wanted to talk to you, hold your hands, smell your hair, make you laugh, be with you always…”
Aki stopped smiling.
“Why the hell haven’t you ask me out moron?”
“What?”
“I liked you too Jert! I have always liked you!”
“Huh?”
“Yes! I have always dreamed about the moment when you’ll ask me out!”
Jert felt numb. Aki suddenly stopped talking and shed a tear.
“It hurts.”
“I know Aki. It hurts me too.”
And they kissed.
They turned towards the big screen and watched the News. The headline read, “Impact anytime. Earth visible to naked eye.”
They walked to the bancony holding hands and looked up at the sky. The earth was now big enough to be visible to the naked eye.
They kissed again.
——- ——-
Revathy was sitting in the balcony reading the latest issue of a popular magazine. It was 9 in the night and her son, Aditya had just returned from his friend’s place. He was in high school and had gone to his friend’s place to study for the next day’s test in school.
He came to the balcony and pulled a chair and sat down.
“How did studies go Adi?”
Aditya looked up at the sky and was about to reply to her when he noticed a meteorite.
“Look ma! A shooting star!”
Dahi Papdi Chawal – New Location
Posted: April 18, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Blogs, Comics, Dahi Papdi Chawal, Uncategorized | Leave a comment »Dahi Papdi Chawal is now in a new location.
Do update your bookmarks and do subscribe to the webcomic!
Btw, the second episode is out. It’s called After Effects of Sex.
F4 meetup
Posted: March 17, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Humor, Internet, People | Tags: F4, facebook | 18 Comments »Ram has always been calling me to check out the F4 meetup for the past one year.
For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, No! F4 is not the Police Station on Greams Road, Chennai. It is a weekly meetup where Facebook users meet and network. It happens every Wednesday at Subway, Nungambakkam.
Now since I was jobless for most of the day today, I decided to drop in. I pinged Ram, Sudhamshu and Vasanth to see if they were coming and the former was in. So I took my bike, dodged traffic, inched through T Nagar, got cheated at the petrol bunk (another story for another post) and finally landed at Subway. I felt I was finally part of the most happening crowd in Chennai.
I stepped into Subway and was instantly met with hostile stares.
Luckily I bumped into Joji, Dhruva and a couple of other known devils and spoke to them for around ten minutes.
And then it hit me.
I was a gate crasher at someone’s private party!
You can use Ubuntu too!
Posted: March 4, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Music, Technology | Tags: audio production, home recording, linux, open source, software, ubuntu | 7 Comments »My Linux journey began three years back in 2008 with Ubuntu 7.10 (Gutsy Gibbon) and I have never wanted to look back at my other alternative, Windows (I still dual boot Windows 7 for MS Excel and Solitaire).
I upgraded to Ubuntu 10.10 (Maverick Meerkat) recently (I did it three months late, but trust me, its totally worth it!)
The previous version was still buggy and there were problems with hibernate/suspend. And I dreaded connecting my Dell to a projector. The latest upgrade has solved all these problems. And I think Ubuntu is now ready for mass consumption.
I have faced social seclusion from people around me for my love for open source, but I have been slowly converting more and more of these people to Ubuntu.
And I have always faced questions from people around me about how Ubuntu is better than Windows or OS X. In fact, I face more questions from people on how Ubuntu is as good as Windows or OS X! The greatest myth probably is that one can use a?Linux?OS only through command line input!
I’m neither a geek nor am I the person who codes. I don’t even use the Terminal as much as I play Solitaire. And I keep assuring the sceptics that you need not use command line terminal as the popular myth seems to be. Heck! You can even survive without touching the Terminal at all!
And the other common questions I face are about the availability of software for Linux.
Anyway, for these people, I’m listing a set of Open Source Alternatives software that I use for Ubuntu.
Web
Music and Movies
- MPlayer
- Amarok is a good alternative for iTunes.
- And of course VLC for all the shitty file formats you need to play!
Office
- Open Office.
- I use Slide Rocket and Prezi for my presentations. (I still use Windows for MS Excel though. Open Office Spreadsheet needs to go a long way before it can come close to MS Excel.)
Many of my presentations done on Slide Rocket make people ask me if they were done on Keynote! And Prezi is just an awesome tool that many just don’t know about!
Graphics
- GIMP – a lightweight Photoshop alternative.
Games
- There is a horde of amazing games for Linux. Though there is no equivalent to classics like Age of Empires, there are some pretty good “almost there” games. One kickass game that has me addicted is?Urban Terror (alternative for Counter Strike. The only difference is; I like Urban Terror more.)
- One strategy game that has got me hooked on is Warzone 2100. Sadly, no strategy game as classic as Age of Empires for Linux yet.
Utilities
- Beagle – One stop search for?your?desktop. Something like Google Desktop.
- Docky
- Compiz Fusion - to make Ubuntu kick those fanboys’s ass who claim Mac to be a visual treat to work on!
And now the best part of all! Ubuntu Studio:
Ubuntu Studio is a derivative of Ubuntu specially made for multimedia production – audio, visual and graphic. Ha! Take that Mac!
So whats in it that makes it special?
One awesome feature of Ubuntu Studio is the real time kernel which makes latency history! Latency in Ubuntu Studio can be achieved as low as 5 ms. Technically and in n00b’s terms, preference of CPU time is allocated for audio applications.
One tool worth mention is jackd which can also be downloaded and used separately in any Linux distro. jackd makes connecting audio applications a walk in the park. For instance, you can build a drum loop on Hydrogen Drum Machine, link it to Ardour and record the loop and then recorded the synth from ZynAddSubFX. You can connect virtually any audio application!
And for the Cubase guys out there, you have Rosegarden!
Ubuntu Studio has in fact opened an all new world for me! Of course like any good system, setting up the basic audio recording setup takes time and a bit of googling around. But once you have the setup, a plethora of endless possibilities would lie before you!
You can check out this wikipedia page for more info on the various software available with Ubuntu Studio.
Note: These software can also be downloaded seperately and installed on a vanilla version of Ubuntu. The only difference would be the low latency.
I don’t have much of a say on the Video or the Graphic part of it. Never used them nor would I ever.
Still need reasons to use Ubuntu? It’s probably the only OS that comes has a major (and free) upgrade every six months!
You can download Ubuntu here. Installing is easy. If you do not have a fast internet connection, I would be more than happy to pass on a CD to you anywhere in Chennai, India. Just drop in a comment here. It’s after all good karma! Plus it’s free!
Tweeps, the Indian kind
Posted: February 5, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Humor, Internet, twitter | 9 Comments »Here is an addition to Those 140 Characters for Dummies, the Twitter rulebook I posted almost a year back. And this post contains a list of people that define the rules!
The characters you meet on Indian Twitverse.
The know it all.
There are lot of them from this kind and each one claims to be one of the first from their village/town/city/state/country to sign up on Twitter. Many of them have a fairly huge bio. And many of them do not have a bio at all as the character limit for the bio couldn’t accommodate their huge egos. These people are usually Tambrahms and geeks (some wannabe). Some try so hard to be humorous and fail miserably. Most are photographers, the self proclaimed ones, who have earned enough working their asses off for their white bosses, to buy a fancy DSLR. And most of these guys are musicians. Or at least claim to be! These guys take pride in using a Linux OS, though they secretly use good old Windows to play games. And also MS Excel. Oh by the way, most are atheists. And these highly Americanized folks consider it below their dignity to reply to the aam junta.
These people are the reason for hate comments like these.
Sample tweet:
The joy of playing DOS games! Sigh! Kids these days are too much into PS3 and Xbox.
The almost Know it all
These people salivate over Twitter. A lot. They look up to the know it all and imitate their every move. Most moves. They listen to classical rock. Yes. They listen to Led Zeppelin. They usually attain overnight stardom on Twitter and almost end up in the top slot of the know it all. As a result, they slowly stop replying to tweets. Some keywords include apple, android, foursquare, Rajinikanth and A R Rahman.
Updated my iPod Touch to OS 4.0. #FTW Now to drink coffee from my Android coffee mug.
The Climbers
These guys are the “tech enthusiasts” and “social media addicts”. They hate Orkut and the presence of Orkutiyas on Twitter are a source of great entertainment to these people. These people love beer and can drink gallons of alcohol and still travel in a 29C route MTC bus, standing all the way from Besant Nagar to Perambur during peak hour (rush hour for the know it all). Here too, many are self proclaimed photographers who basically have rich dads to buy them a fancy DSLRs. These people also have a Climber#3459 Photography page on Facebook. Many falling under this category have blogs and some of them call themselves CEOs of their blogs. The Climbers constitute a majority of the population.
Hey! Suresh Kalmadi is an anagram of “Sir u made lakh!” LOL!
The Newly Promoted
These people have just graduated from Orkut to Twitter. These people also registered long back on Facebook (around 2008 BC) but failed to understand how a social networking website like that could not have an awesome feature called the scrapbook, hence ditched Facebook and hopped back to Orkut. These guys are full of LOLZZZZ and usually do not make it to The Climbers. This time they ditch Twitter.
Twitter Rockzzz! So does that reality show on UTV Bindaaz!
That Girl From New Delhi
Now this is an interesting section of Indian twitterati. They put up pictures of their pretty friends as their display picture. They are on Twitter because that hot thing from Sheela Ki Jawani is on Twitter. And that gay director. And that actor who has had a string of flops in the past few years and whose first and last hit film was in the year 2007. Her tweets are mostly the blonde kinds and mostly ignored by most of the remaining. But there are a few who dutifully RT. And then there are the Mahipals.
Awwww! Found this pic of a cuuuute puppy. Cho chweeeeet! Muaaaaah! Lolzzzz!
That Girl From Your Own city
And then there is that girl from your own city. Nerdy. Funny. Intellectual. Romantic. LOTR. Physics. Book lover. Vadivelu. Pink Floyd. A R Rahman. She never turns up for any tweetup. Never. And everytime someone invites her to a tweeup, she immediately tweets back, “Awesome! I’ll be there!” After a few months on Twitter, she disappears. No one knows her real name.
Just finished Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for the 42nd time. Feeling good.
That Bollywood bimbo
The lesser said, the better. And then there are the Muaaaahs and Lolzzzz.
Time to sleep! Good night all! Love you all! Jai Ho! God bless!
That Celebrity
This starlet acted in that famous soft porn movie in circa 2000. Now she is popular once again because she is on Twitter. And interacting heavily with the other tweeps. Oh look! She cares for the environment. Every other social issue in fact.
Bart and Homer Simpson painted their dog! How cruel! I’m gonna protest!
The self proclaimed “guru”
Everybody is a guru on Twitter. It’s either business guru or the marketing guru or the social media guru. Twitter is full of these people.
Fake Accounts
It all started with – @jhunjhunwala. @balthakre followed. And then there was Faking News. Now @J_Jayalalithaa(which has now been taken off now unfortunately). In fact, there was once a @fakemsnarain too!
So my dear readers, I have warned you enough.
By the way, if you liked this post, do follow me on Twitter. Now which category do I fall under? Hmm..
Take Me Through
Posted: January 7, 2011 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: Music | 5 Comments »A song I composed today. Been spending a lot of time with the keyboard and guitar. Good thing!
And excuse the poor recording. This is what I could manage with the Dell. Better version soon!
TN 0X X 8008
Posted: November 29, 2010 | Author: msnarain | Filed under: EKSI, Humor, Madras | Tags: Arjun, Pan parag, Sowcarpet | 11 Comments »I walked into class the other day and Arjun whistled at my helmet.
“Nice helmet dude! New one?”
“Huh?”
“I love the Ferrari scarlet color!”, he exclaimed even as I wondered if all the financial accounting classes had already started taking toll on him.
“The Ferrari what?”
“The Ferrari scarlet color dude! Its cool!”
“But its…”, I stopped and proceeded to remove the helmet from my khopda to take a better look at this Ferrari scarlet colored helmet that Arjun was raving about. And I definitely had the shock of my life when I saw that it was scarlet colored indeed.
Now I have a steel grey colored helmet and I remembered wearing the helmet when I started from home. I didn’t remember stopping or removing the helmet anywhere enroute to college that might have resulted in a mixup.
And then the stench hit my nostrils.
The stench seemed like a cocktail of various biological and chemical warfare elements mixed together and it was coming from my own “Ferrari scarlet colored” helmet.
And then I remembered that I had passed Sowcarpet on the way to college!
And I remembered how I had passed between two MTC buses at a traffic junction. I had felt proud of manevouring my Apache through the narrow cycle gap between the two buses. I had at that point felt a sudden downpour of rain right in those 2 seconds of my passing through the buses which was actually strange as it was sunny and it raining for just 2 seconds was actually weird. But considering that lot of strange things were happening lately to the universe, like Harbhajan Singh actually getting a couple of wickets in the last ODI and M. K. Azhagiri attending a session in the Parliament, I let it pass.
And now in college, I realized that the Ferrari crimson color on my helmet was nothing but the most preferred weapon of mass destruction of the Sowcrpet Saettus, Pan Parag!
And the pan parag mixed with human saliva had baked in the hot sun to give my helmet a coating of Ferrari crimson red.
Even as I spent the rest of the evening fighting to remove the cakes of pan parag-saliva mix, I thought of the various perils an innoncent motorist like me would face on Chennai roads. And hence this handy guide.
1) Never travel to Sowcarpet without your helmet on. You know why.
2) Never ride to Sowcarpet in the first place. Take a bus/train instead.
3) Never ride, overtake or even walk past an MTC bus, parked or moving. If its pan parag in Sowcarpet, its paakku+tobacco elsewhere..
4) If you happen to see a girl in Scooty in your rear view mirror, PLEASE give way. They are a really dangerous species riding their fragile scooties in the threshold of the maximum speed. They don’t even give a fuck to the mighty Royal Enfield thumping away to glory.
5) Another reason to give way for girls on Scooties is because in case of a collision/accident between your bike cruising at 40 and the girl on scooty racing at 70, there immediately gathers a crowd around the scene of accident and you’re invariably the cause of the accident.
6) You may want to ogle and stare at girls outside women’s colleges in Chennai. Please do so at your own interests. But be wary of the time when classes end. There are hundreds of scooties coming out the college gates and you really do not want to get caught in a stampede of “fragile; handle with care” scooties being throttled to their mazimum speed. Trust me, you do not want it.
7) And then there is Eshwari akka in mufti!
Then there are these morons on Pulsars with the number “46″ plastered all over the bike. By the way, if you didn’t know, they own most roads in Chennai. Most such morons use fancy number plates, some of which are witty while some are hilarious. Usually TN 0X AK 0047 written as TN 0x AK 47 and TN 0X X 8055 is written as TN 0X X BOSS. By the way, I recently saw a bike with similar “numbers converted to alphabets” number plate. The number was TN 0x X 8008!
9) Do not treat the cyclists in Chennai with scant respect! There would be an old 80 something cyclist slowly pedalling his way perpendicularly across Mount Road through the 6 lanes and over the divider even as mad rush of vehicles come pounding at him. The cyclist always manages to cross the road unhurt. Its only the first few motorists in that mad rush of vehicles who are left with all the practice from hours of playing Midtown Madness and Road Rash to avoid hitting the cyclist!
10) Autowallas. The lesser said, the better!
11) Metrowater trucks. *&%^?$&**$&
However let me also add that Chennai has got one of the best roads in the country. Its only that the motorists are senseless or brainless or both. Also it would be much more pleasant to ride/drive if motorists used their brains and indicators more than horns!
I don’t know where I read this, but great gyaan nevertheless – You may ride a scooty. You may ride a Royal Enfield Bullet. No matter what you ride; always wear protection!
—
Author’s suggestion: If you liked this post, you’ll also like my other adventures at Sowcarpet!
